Surprised am I myself to make a decision to switch to a track I am not fond of-- a work in charge of school administration. I thought I have many reasons to explain that. However, not until today do I know deep in my heart the reason contributes to the decision.

In today’s class, I was teaching kids how to write an essay. It was the first lesson on writing, so I thought it was necessary to expound on an essay structure. Then I made a tree diagram, along the way finding one–third of the students not centering on my lecturing. Angry? Insulted? Disrespected? Which one, or all involved in my feelings?

I am old to live in such a fast-changing world. The smart kids are bragging off their brilliance by reading science books, doing math in English class. Are they really that good enough to study their own? I don’t know. But one thing for sure is that when they need someone to correct their composition so that they could pass the life-and-death Big Test, they come to me. They care about their test result, instead of learning process. Therefore, the real concern for many students today is whether someone could cater to their needs instantly. As for respect, one thing I believe to ease tension among people, it has become the last they are concerned about. On the one hand, respect is something by which they could win no point. On the other hand, they define what respect mean; i.e. when I need you, I will show an attitude you need. The reverse side of the coin is when you are not needed, then respect means no more than a word.

So, neither anger nor insult did I feel. A feeling of helplessness is drifting around my minds. Perhaps, I could avoid such a negative emotion by giving fewer lessons. And so I choose the path that I once refused to stroll on.